My longtime practice for this Advent series has been to choose a single word to title and distinguish each entry, to give it some unique identifier that gives a hint of what readers will find within. I even go so far as to not repeat the use of any word in future years, so that those who find or revisit them later (or when your author compiles them into a book), there will be no confusion.
I confess that as I sat down to write this first post, I couldn’t find a word that concisely captured its content.
The subject of this entry has been set for a while now. This will be my first time walking with a congregation through the season of Advent since 2019. My abbreviated foray into preaching for the fourth Sunday of Advent and Christmas Eve last year doesn’t really count, because even though I knew that congregation well, I was still there as a guest. I had not been there for the full season, and I would not remain there after.
This year, as I am once again the settled pastor of a congregation, I will be present for all that entails in this season of preparation. For the first time in six years, we will walk together toward the celebration that is to come. We’re even already past the first Sunday, and everything so far is going well.
So when it came time to choose a word to describe taking up this set of responsibilities yet again, the first one that made sense was “Return.” I am returning to this role, so that makes a lot of sense.
However, the more I thought about it, this isn’t a mere return. I am in one sense certainly returning to a role that I knew for a long time, but I am not doing so as the same person I was when I’d last done it. Nor is the state of church and ministry what it was when I my last position. I have grown and changed and discovered and rediscovered and healed. I’m coming back to pastoring with different eyes, and with over five years’ worth of internal transformation.
I also no longer view Advent and Christmas as a time of endurance; an exercise in satisfying everyone else’s needs for comfort and sentimentality. This was a significant factor in how I used to approach this time of year, one that I can see now was a mistaken “me issue” from the beginning. But I have set that down, and both I and the church will be all the better for it.
So again: what word would properly capture all of these shifts and new perspectives? I am not merely returning, I am stepping back into a stream that has changed, and I myself have changed along with it. It’s more that I am beginning again.
After many other ill-fitting considerations, I’ve settled on “Restart.” To restart something still takes into account what has come before: all the experiences, changes, failures, and lessons. You are trying again with all of that still part of your perspective, and this latest set of first steps will incorporate all of that whether you’re conscious of it or not.
I’m grateful that the candle of hope has been lighting my way for the past several months already. Here, starting Advent again, I’ll continue to follow its flame.
If you enjoyed this reflection, check out my Advent book, Four Weeks: Reflections for Advent.
Jeffrey A. Nelson 